Britney, I’m here to help.

Ok. It’s time for us all to help Britney less she end up like ANS. She recently shaved her head… seemingly for children. Ok, I get it, that’s cool. You have long hair, they don’t need you to shave it to the root. You can easily get a pixie cut and the hair can be used by locks for love or whatever organization you wish to provide it to. Like I said, that part is wonderful. The problem is that it’s an afterthought to to true problem. Britney is crying for help. I’m willing to be that help.

Britney. Friend. Please move out of your home. Go to Wyoming or South Dakota or Montana, someplace in the US that you can buy 5000 acres and a big fence. Get that area declared a no-fly zone and stop this madness. Do you own shopping in a small town where they know your name because you live there and not because you’re crazy as all tarnation.

You see, I say these things not to be mean but because we’re responsible. We can’t stop talking about you and so, unless you leave we’re not going to stop. And if you’re far enough away from the paparazzi that they can’t snap photos of you panty-less and as bald on your head as you are on your playing field. Go be a mom. change your last name. Change your first name. Don’t just shave your head because that’s not liberation that’s simply another way of reminding the world that you do indeed hate yourself for some reason. You claim to be country. You’re not. You’re a citified poser with a white trash dialect that is affected for show. You’re not country, you’re a young naive, selfish little girl. that would be fine if you weren’t a mother. So, my help for you Britney is to find something else to do. Focus up, move away and do the one job that you should have been doing for some time now, being a mom.

Hell, even Madonna, whom you were supposed to replace as pop princess and teen sexuality provocateur has embraced her inner mom. It’s time you start growing up, because you’re in your mid 20’s and by now it’s just gross. Figure it out Britney or those kids are going to end up just like you and right now… that’s fucking terrible.

Steve Jobs thinks DRM sucks too.

Steve’s thoughts on Music have got me thinking. Why has it taken him so long to say what we were all saying from day one? In reading his well thought out view on the on-line music story I’ve come to the conclusion that he must have said to himself.

“Well, if I want to beat these ass-hats I’d better join them, take over the entire industry and then reveal them for the fuck-tards that they are.”

Ok, so he was probably more “Steve Jobs” about it but doesn’t that look like it. Now that he is the on-line music industry he can say things like “We are totally going about this the wrong way, and it’s not my fault at all.” giving his Steve-ness street cred while continuing to support DRM.

the cast of Office…as Mii’s

Look how awesome this is! I want a Wii soooo badly I can taste it. Still can’t find one anywhere.

Vista Security… Cancel or Allow?

Wow. This one is really takin it to the poor PC guy. It almost comes off as desperate on Mac’s side. I wonder if it’s not time to quit ahead, Apple. We get it. Mac’s are awesome, PC’s suck ballz. This ad doesn’t even target anyone specific other than Vista…which no one will deny is having a rocky start.

Please to Enjoy…
http://movies.apple.com/movies/us/apple/getamac/apple-getamac-security_480×376.mov

What do you get the guy who has everything?

How about this AWESOME gift…

I mean, this thing is soaked in Awesome after being dipped in liquid awesome saucy!

UPDATE: WTF?!?! IT’S NO LONGER THERE!!!! AND NO ONE GOT ME ONE!!!! oh well, maybe a signed Peter Mayhew in the same pose will stay on the market longer.

I love this k-fed ad…

Yup, hell hath frozen over, K-Fed does something entertaining….

’nuff said.

Sony Customer Support is like being punched in the balls over and over and over again.

IS THERE NO JUSTICE IN THIS WORLD WHEN IT COMES TO THE DOUCHBAGGERY THAT IS SONY!?!?! The asshats over at Sony Customer Support put me through the mind numbing experience that is their automated Teller: MAX. This is the conversation I had with MAX today because my TV is fucked up again.

MAX: Hi I’m “MAX” I’ll be assisting you today. Are you calling about a product that you own?
Me: Yeah.
MAX: … great. What type of product is it?
Me: Television.
MAX: … I heard “Telephone”. Is that correct?
Me: No.
MAX: … Oh. I’m sorry.
Me: It’s ok.
MAX: … What was that?
Me: Nevermind.
MAX: … OK. What type of product is it?
Me: T.V.
MAX: … Ok Lenses. Got it!
Me: No MAX. No. Not fucking Lenses you robotic double nozzle. It’s nothing like lenses, at all! It’s my TV. I’ve called about it 3 times over the course of 10 months. I’ve sent it to the GOOD-FOR-FUCK-ALL Server center called All Points Video on 3 occasions, have given them hundreds of dollars only to have them bring it back to me, hold it for 6 weeks at a time, NEVER CALL ME BACK WHEN THEY SAY THEY WILL and for what? For it to fucking break again.
MAX: I didn’t understand that. Let me get a representative on the line to help you. (tells me about more SONY products) Long Pause…..
Operator: If you’d like to make a call….

I get it if you think I’m a technically challenged moron. I get that you’re so concerned with your profit margins and that you’re worldwide success is so high that you can afford to neglect little old me, but the fact of the matter is I am tech savy. I have 2 blogs and I’m pissed the fuck off. I’m not buying another SONY TV EVERY. In fact, if someone dies and leaves me a SONY TV, I’m going to bury it with them. If I win a SONY TV I’m going to sell it give it away to someone who likes the feeling of disappointment and despair.

While the picture quality is good, it’s not so good that I want to keep pouring money into this monster. I’m getting a new TV. More crap I don’t fucking need. If anyone wants this thing, I’m selling it cheap. REAL Cheap.

DRM in their own words…

Here. Read this. I’ll wait. I want us to discuss this. Summary:

DRM’s sole purpose is to maximize revenues by minimizing your rights so that they can sell them back to you.

duh. We geeks have known this for a very long time. What kills me is that so many people have been made to live in fear of the very industry that entertains them for years now and for what? Their bottomline. Piracy doesn’t cause it and they admit that. My favorite part of this article is the fact that iTunes is too lax with their DRM. Hilarious. I wouldn’t share my authorizations with anyone, that’s how strict I see this whole iTunes DRM thing.

Here’s what kills me, though. AllofMp3.com. Yup. A legal way of getting the content that you want at a price that is REASONABLE TO THE PRODUCT. I understand that royalities are not being paid properly and that’s bogus for the musicians, I get that. The fact remains, the market will expand and it is going to be the advent of these types of outlets that are going to cause you more harm than ever before.

What happens when the enevitable russian web site, allofHDnonDRMmoviesForADollar.com comes online!? I’ll tell you what happens. All of this noise will serve to distance you from your customer base, leaving little marketshare for yourselves outside of the masses who need user friendly access to kids programming. Ever wonder why Disney is so popular on iTunes? Parents have little patience when Jr. is screaming. Geeks on the other hand, love a bargin. Most WANT to pay for goods, they just hate feeling like someone is treating them like a criminal.  When that happens, they code. The code solutions that decrypt DVDs and rip them to their computers so they can play them on their iPods. Because they own it. It’s their right. When you tell thim something stupid, like the item that they paid for is NOT their own…it WILL find a way out to the masses. It’s a vicious cycle. I would say DRM supports piracy by being so arrogant and brazen. Does it make it right? Hell no. Does it stop it? Hell fuckin’ no.

So what’s the solution? Be for real. MPAA, RIAA, do you guys want to make more money than you ever had in your ENTIRE lifetime? Drop DRM and set up your own version of allofmp3.com; one that has movies and music. The rediculously low price point will encourage THRONGS of users to download at will. The low price point will effectively kill the desire to pirate and the lack of DRM will empower the connection between you and your customer base. I promise you, you will MAKE MORE MONEY. Stop nickel and diming users in the wrong place. Nickel and dime your product and watch your sales SOAR. You have it at your fingertips to solve this entire problem and yet hubris and stale business models will be your undoing. Sad really. Unfortunate for everyone.

iPhone owns.

If I had the cash, I’d easily pay top dollar for this thing. It is the real deal.